Selfish, Ignorant, husband needs advice - Talk About Marriage

Yesterday, 08:48 PM ? #1 (permalink)

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Join Date: May 2012

Location: Minnesota

Posts: 1

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1st I am 43 yrs old and have a long history of bad relationships/marriages. I have been engaged to be married 4 times and married 3 times. I have just realized (3 days ago) I have many problems that has stemmed from when I was 23. And I never thought it was anything I did that was wrong (basic ignorance). I have drank alcohol for all them years but never thought I had a problem. I have been addicted to porn but thought I could always justify it because my wife didn't want to have sex with me. I never learned how to be a husband because I thought I had to portray the big tough ass biker image. Problem was I acted like that at home as well. It took a post on face book from one of my wife's friends (which I have never met)on one of my wife's posts to wake me up to realize my problems. Hearing it from my wives never registered in my head because I thought I never did any thing wrong and always thought they were just nagging. My wife left me 3 weeks ago tomorrow (the FB post was a week ago). I started counseling this week and have since been to counseling twice for all my problems including depression. Tomorrow I go to my 1st AA meeting to quit drinking and haven't had alcohol in the last 3 days. The week before she left she still was telling me how much she loved me. Since she has left she won't say she still loves me and does not acknowledge most of my attempts to talk. And when we do talk I find myself begging for forgiveness and asking for one last chance.

I am not worried about my problems because one of my traits also is stubbornness. I am determined to quit drinking, and kick the porn addiction. I am going to stay with counseling for the rest of my life if that is what it requires. I am not doing this for my wife but for myself. My wife doesn't know I am on this site.

She is the LOVE of my LIFE but I did not treat her as such. What do I do, 1) Do I keep attempting to make contact with her? 2)and when I do talk to her how do I keep from begging?

Oh and that is probably the biggest complaint is that I am controlling. Which I was and is part of my couseling. That is why I am asking the question above.

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